My college experience, like many students, has been riddled with all-nighters, over-caffeinated mornings, troubles with roommates and getting locked out of my residence hall. Like any other student, I’ve had to navigate the consequences of overbooking myself and taking difficult classes. These experiences are typical for the average college student. But my time at GW has also been shaped by grief, which poses its own set of challenges — especially while navigating a full-time course load. 

Much of my time at GW has been spent dealing with grief. Almost every single important moment at the University, from my first week here to scholarship dinners and the pressures of finals week, has been overshadowed by the constant grief I have felt. And as a student feeling so constantly pressed in as I navigated academic pressures, I felt incredibly alone. Grief is hard to talk about, complicated to deal with and not discussed enough in our campus community. 

My mom passed away in March of my senior year of high school, just months before I moved 3,000 miles away from home to attend GW. The quick turnover and huge move to D.C. had, of course, added to the pressures that a first-year student already faces — struggles I have alluded to in other pieces I’ve written, including adjusting to rigorous academics and being away from an established support system. But students who are dealing with grief face the additional obstacle of being far from home and family as they navigate this pain and having to find a way to stay focused on their academics. That’s been my experience, and while I am no longer dealing with adjusting to D.C. or a college curriculum, the grief still crops up throughout the year. 

Almost every year, like clockwork, when February and March roll around, the grief I deal with becomes amplified, and it seeps into my school life, despite my best efforts. I struggle to get more than two or three hours of sleep. I am unable to concentrate in class, forget to eat and isolate myself from friends. It becomes difficult to get out of bed, to talk to others and complete schoolwork. Despite my love for school, assignments often become the least of my worries when I’m navigating this grief. It is difficult to care about other things going on in life, like schoolwork, student organizations and what’s going on with the people around me. 

Grief, unfortunately, becomes part of your everyday life and something you learn to live with, as my psychologist has told me. It is inescapable and a constant that I feel to different degrees on different days. I don’t think there is one “right” way to deal with grief. This is especially true in college, when almost every day there is something that has to get done. Schoolwork and responsibilities never stop either, not even for grief — they don’t give you time to mourn. 

When I was thinking of how to write this piece, I came to the conclusion that there is no advice I can give to people going through such an impossible and all-encompassing situation. The only thing I can really share or argue is that whatever experiences or feelings I have dealt with, which other students have too, are a normal part of the grieving process. 

Especially during my first two years at GW, I experienced multiple instances of being grief-stricken to get work done. It was difficult to get myself to my computer and begin to type a paper or an article. In other cases, it was simply impossible to get myself to fall asleep, and I often only shut my eyes after passing out on my bed. Those two years were also the ones where I isolated myself the most, where I was cooped up in my residence hall or the library, not wanting to see or talk much to anyone. This ended up impacting my grades during my first year at GW. 

But as I got more used to D.C. and GW, schoolwork became more manageable, and the grief started feeling less present in my life. While it still ends up manifesting itself in different ways, it is not as overwhelming as it used to be. There are always a couple of times in the semester where my grief makes it once again challenging to get anything done — during the fall semester, it is always near the holidays, usually in November and December. Getting work done becomes a feat, and going a week without crying seems impossible. Sometimes at the beginning of the school year, watching parents help their kids move into their residence halls, I become hyperaware of the absence of my mom and dad. It’s also difficult in February — my birthday month, and when my mom was hospitalized — and in March, when she passed away. 

These past two months, I experienced a similar cycle of having trouble sleeping and focusing on classes, and of wanting to hibernate in my dorm room — issues I have mostly combatted by letting myself cry it out, forcing myself to go to the library and get work done or making plans with friends so I don’t resort to isolation. Dealing with grief is about learning when you have to take it slow, asking for extensions or simply letting others know you are having a difficult time, something that I still struggle with but have gotten better at doing over time. Like everything, it takes practice.

Grief shows up unexpectedly at times, sometimes triggered by the smallest of things. It has happened more times than I would like to admit, when I have been in class and my professor starts talking about something related to parents, growing up or loss — suddenly I can feel myself starting to cry, and I have to act like I am going to the restroom to blow my nose. It has become a common occurrence to be working on a paper or even a staff editorial for The Hatchet when something reminds me of my mom. I type while I cry and rub the tears away. 

This is all to say that grief doesn’t go away. As time goes by, you learn to deal with it, ideally in healthier ways. I had dealt with grief before, but in college, dealing with the pain can feel like an entirely different experience. This could be because we are closer to becoming fully-fledged adults and living truly independent lives, as compared to being at home surrounded by family. Yes, it is challenging and can make you feel like you have no agency over your emotions or your life. It affects every area of your life — and that’s okay. It is okay to allow yourself to grieve and feel your emotions, especially while you’re surrounded by the constant external pressures of college life. 

Andrea Mendoza-Melchor, a senior majoring in journalism and mass communication and creative writing, is the opinions editor.