Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet


The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

Clap if you care

Orally satisfying

The Troupeawhores would like to take the opportunity to introduce ourselves to the GW community. We are GW’s only a cappella escort service. The way we work is quite simple:

You call us up (or e-mail us at [email protected]), and order one of our performances. We can do group songs, duos or solos. The catch is the more of us there are singing (and “servicing” you), the higher our fees.

We do birthdays, bar/bat mitzvahs, bachelor/bachelorette parties and private engagements. We can also be ordered as a package deal with Big George (his name says it all). If you think all we can do with our mouths is belt out great tunes, you ain’t experienced nothing yet!

-Cherrie Popper
Troupeawhores madam

We do lots of stuff

Recently, stories have appeared in this newspaper about the Dorm Rooms Association. People apparently think we don’t do anything. I would like to set the record straight.

We do lots of stuff. We do so many things, I don’t even know where to start. We live in the dorm rooms. We eat in the dorm rooms. We do our laundry in the dorms. We even talk to other people in the dorms. So I don’t know why anyone thinks we aren’t concerned first and foremost with what goes on in the dorm rooms.

The DRA also has a big office in the Marvin Center. If you’d like to stop by and see us in action, please send us an e-mail first so that we can prepare for your arrival. Just because you never see us doing anything doesn’t mean we’re not. It’s just that you’re not looking at the right times of the year.

-B.J. Reseever

Remember Hoffa?

The GW Teamsters would like to congratulate Bill Meizer for his election as Simply Asinine president. We worked people hard to come out and vote for him in the first election and then we worked them even harder for the runoffs. We would also like to thank the Jointly Evading Competence committee for its willingness to recount the ballots after we had a late-night chat with them. Be assured that all your family members, friends and pets will be released immediately after Meizer is sworn in.

We would also want to extend our apologies to Derek So-So. Although we were unable to persuade enough voters to see how it was in their best interest to vote for you, as a result of our late-night meeting with the JEC, we were able to get you back on the ballot in time for the runoff. That should say something about our dedication and our powers of persuasion.

Once again, to President-elect Meizer: congratulations. Money doesn’t buy you everything, but it can buy an election. To his losing opponent: sucks to be you. Thank you and please support the GW Teamsters. Or else.

-Hank “Big Hank” Rizzo
currently awaiting arraignment on embezzlement charges

Drop in, like flies

Students for Free Euthanasia would like to invite the entire Foggy Bottom community (age 60 and over) to our next meeting at the GW chemistry lab. Since our last meeting was a downer, this one should be a welcome breath of fresh air. We will be plunging into all the latest methods and developments. Those left hanging around afterwards can join us for some final conversations. We will also discuss inheritance taxes and executor services.

Remember to come to our next meeting. We’re just overdosing on fun and good times.

-John “Doc” Deth
med student

Pissed off!

Where else but in the filth of Washington, D.C., can we find a university-sponsored social program that discriminates so blatantly? I am talking about the GW practice of segregating by gender the restrooms in campus buildings. This outrageous practice only serves to reinforce the traditional, patriarchal, misogynist stereotypes of our male-dominated society.

The ad hoc Committee for Unisex Restroom Facilities demands the University administration (headed by a man, no less!) take immediate action to remedy this injustice. CURF wants to be able to do its business in the same environment as men. To ask us to do otherwise is akin to just forcing us to stay at home, raise children and bake cookies. We refuse to be driven back into the kitchen! Men’s movements are supported by the University’s policies. We want the same for ours.

What do we want? Unisex restroom facilities! When do we want it? Now!

-Ivanna P. Withmen
lonely at nights

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