Facing a problem? Annie has answers. Ask away!
Dear Annie,
First last day of school. Wow. Didn’t think I would get here. Im finally nearing the end of university. Nonetheless, i have issues with my friends who still want to do freshmen activities such as going monumenting or picking up freshmen from freshmen bars. It just feels weird that they want to pick up people so much younger than them, with a complete different view on world for now. How should i talk to them about seeking out girls/guys in their age group?
Staying tuned,
Rumming Senior
Dear Rumming Senior,
Your query may illuminate what anyone with a brain thinks when 49-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio shows up to a dinner with a partner who slept in a cradle while he made his Hollywood debut: Why can’t you go out with someone your own age?
Numerically, the difference between an 18 and 22-year-old isn’t as striking as 25 and 50, but anyone who’s attended college can attest to how much you change between Orientation Week and your last first day of classes. In these formative years, you’ve likely navigated messy roommate situations beyond imagination, experienced countless dating app rejections and dropped more classes than you care to admit. It’s understandable why seniors might find it odd to watch a peer in their thesis cohort leave Thurston Hall for National Mall debauchery with someone in a Class of 2028 shirt.
Next time your friends make plans to romance freshies on a Friday night, express that their behavior makes you uncomfortable. Focus on explaining how icky it feels to flirt with people who must memorize a false address before walking into a bar, instead of directly calling out your friends for intentionally seeking younger partners.
Ask your friends if they want to be the upperclassman hookup that many first-years regret, whether they feel a more experienced person took advantage of their novel collegiate experience or pity the fool who couldn’t find someone their own age. Given how many reasons there are for a senior not to date a first-year, your friends’ romantic endeavors make it appropriate for you to probe for clarity about why they want to go out with people who are so much younger. If it seems to you that your friend is capitalizing on their partners’ excitement for college in an inappropriate way, you should tell them that. They are less likely to change their behavior if no one speaks out.
On a short-term basis, pivot your plans. Suggest activities enjoyed more exclusively by upperclassmen, like going out in Adams Morgan, a strip of bars notorious for their ruthlessness on fake IDs, or waking up early for the Dupont Farmers Market after a well-rested night. To help cushion your message, explain that you waited nearly four years to do more adult things with these friends. They may be more receptive to your ideas if they understand that you value spending time with them. Besides, some of the group could feel the same way as you. They may have followed others out of peer pressure or the perception that they were alone in their disapproval.
As you express justified concern to your seniors seeking to date first-years, remember that you can’t ultimately control who your friends date. Age gap relationships are fairly questioned — and go against the better advice of battle-hardened women like Taylor Swift and Princess Diana — but the fact remains that your friends can ignore your opinions about their love interests.
If, as you say, a senior picking up first-years feels weird to you, stop going out with these friends and find the myriad of other upperclassmen who share your viewpoint. It’s not hard to find seniors who run the other way when they see the Vex coming or recently minted 21-year-old juniors who want to experience new parts of the District. Foster friendships with people who share your outlook on such age gaps instead of waiting on your current buddies to have a magical awakening.
If pursuing someone who still uses Google Maps to find the Package Center makes you feel ill at ease, vocalize your feelings to reduce this phenomenon from our culture and improve your own social life while you’re at it.
Looking for you on 18th Street,
Annie
