Facing a problem? Annie has answers. Ask away!
Dear Annie,
Recently, I moved off campus with my closest friend here at GW. We had planned to live with each other sooner but financial issues stopped that from happening before this summer. Now that we have lived together for a while, I really don’t think that I want to live with him anymore. We share a studio and it’s really too much to be around him a lot. I don’t even know if I want to be friends anymore. What do I do???
XOXO,
stuck in a studio
Dear stuck in a studio,
Beloved sitcoms like “Friends,” “New Girl” and even Nickelodeon’s “Sam & Cat” portray living with your best friend as the ultimate fantasy, with roommate problems rarely taking longer than an episode to resolve. In reality, you’d probably know which roommate does all the chores within five minutes of meeting them because they’ll passive-aggressively mention the discrepancy.
Being roommates with your best friend isn’t the fantasy sitcoms sold to us. Whereas living on campus means you could swap West Hall for Thurston mid-semester if GW Housing allows, you can’t change apartments when things get tough unless you’re willing to pay for two places to live at once likely. You signed a legal document together: the lease. It’s also emotionally draining to break up with a friend while sleeping two feet away from each other.
It’s normal to crave alone time when you’re living in close quarters, and it’s also normal for cohabitation to change the dynamic of your friendship. You have to satisfy each other’s needs as both a friend and a roommate. A roommate may need to give you space when going through a tough time while you might expect a friend to check in on you. Focus on discussing better ways to share the space and developing respectful coping strategies, like finding a place to recharge outside the apartment.
Have a direct conversation. Avoid attacking your roommate’s living habits — no one wants to be told they spend too much time in a space they pay for. Emphasize your need for solitude. Develop a way to ask for alone time that extends to both of you, whether it’s scheduled enrichment time in your enclosure or sending a text to ask for an empty room when you’re having a rough day.
During the conversation, remember this is a shared space. Be respectful of your roommate’s feelings and needs. No one is a perfect roommate. We’ve all groaned when being sexiled or even left a gross piece of trash on the floor. Hear him out and change your behavior accordingly, too.
While hashing things out with your roommate, find a third place. If you’re anything like me — a super introvert — you may need to be alone for nearly six hours a day. You can’t kick your roommate out of the apartment for 25 percent of the day, so you need somewhere to recharge. Think of places like the neighborhood bar on “New Girl” or Central Perk from “Friends.”
If applicable, tell your roommate you intend to find a new living situation next year as soon as appropriate. Don’t dump it on them tomorrow — that’s about the best way to exacerbate your current living situation — but give them ample time to find new roommates or register for campus housing.
As frustrated as you may be with your 24/7 companion, avoid projecting your emotions onto them and focus on finding ways to be alone without hogging the shared space. Learn from this experience, perhaps not signing a lease with another close friend or living with someone unless you can each have your own bedroom.
Sharing with ya,
Annie
