Facing a problem yourself? Annie has answers. Ask away!

Dear Annie,

I feel like the black sheep of my family. I have a younger sister who is the opposite of me in every way. She is smarter than me, hotter than me, nicer than me and definitely more romantically experienced than me. I always prided myself on prioritizing my academics, but now I’m almost done with college and I feel like a loser. I just can’t help but feel inadequate and like I’ve wasted the good years of my life. I just feel like a failure and that I’ll never find anything good in my life. College feels like a waste. I have nothing to show for myself. I’ve never even been kissed!!! How can I make the most of my last semester and stop feeling like I’m trying to catch up to my sister who’s two years younger than me?

Help please,
Baa Baa Black Sheep

Dear Baa Baa Black Sheep,

We must return to the reassuring wisdom of Billy Joel: “Slow down, you’re doing fine. You can’t be everything you want to be before your time.” At GW, surrounded by people working overtime to build robust social, academic and professional lives, it’s a reminder we all could use.

Comparing yourself to your sister has given you a crisis of confidence. Remind yourself of your achievements, like an impressive academic resume. Not many college students can say they value their schoolwork so deeply. Further, you are lucky to have a relationship with your younger sister where she trusts you enough to share her romantic rendezvous with you. Getting your younger sister to trust you with information about her love life is no small feat (believe me, getting my younger sister to tell me the name of any guy she’s even just talked to is impossible). 

Acknowledging your accomplishments may make it easier to practice self-compassion. You have different, equally valuable experiences that make you a well-rounded person. You may not have the same social clout as your sister, but you have so much else to show for yourself — academics and building familial trust are worth celebrating. Everyone is on their own path mapped out by their values and comfort zone. Its grooves and curves are made for you to navigate at the right time. 

You appear to mostly feel frustrated because you’ve never been kissed. If you want to make progress toward lowering your Rice Purity score this final semester, you have to put yourself out there. Download a dating app. Pick a classic like Hinge or an out-of-the-box option like Veggly, one for vegetarians and vegans. Many single college students and young people use dating apps. These apps allow you to get your feet wet and see who is out there.

As you may not interact with the people on the apps in your every day life, going on a date with them has zero stakes. If you don’t like them, you can send a brief goodbye text to avoid ghosting. If they don’t want to move forward with you, there are tons of other people on the app who would be lucky to get a date with you.

Dating apps are not the only avenue for romantic experiences, but they are the quickest and most efficient way to find interested parties. You could find love in virtual class discussions or pine after your roommate — it wouldn’t be something GW students hadn’t tried before. If you want to gain a romantic experience before you walk across the stage at the National Mall, dating apps will help make swift progress.

Life is not a race to play catch-up in with anyone, let alone your younger sister. Recognizing your accomplishments, practicing self-compassion and taking intentional steps toward a new goal will help you stop comparing yourself to your younger sister. If that isn’t enough, just look at a picture of her during her awkward phase.

Waiting for you,

Annie