Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

What better way to realize your untapped potential as a musician of influence than by appropriating the behavior of guitar rock prophet Dave Matthews? A compilation of things Dave has that you, most esteemed fan, can also have in the pursuit of ultimate Daveness.

Frye boots

Yes, Dave’s from South Africa, but this performer loves branding with America! He realizes this love through his allegiance to time-tested boot company, Frye, based in Great Neck, N.Y.

Jack Daniels

As a committed Dave fan, you understand that few things are better than kicking back with a brew and jamming with the bros. Still, the artist himself prefers whiskey.

Tim Reynolds

Best known for performing duos with Dave Matthews, the German guitarist has selectively performed with incarnations of Dave, including DMB and Dave Matthews & Friends. Reynolds will return to tour with Matthews this summer. For the sake of authenticity, secure your own Tim Reynolds for backing on tracks like “Deed is Done.”

Taylor 914C 6-string and Taylor W65 12-string acoustic guitars

Following the example of selectively informed affluent kids everywhere, drop upwards of $1,000 on a sweet acoustic. Buying an expensive guitar, specifically one produced by a brand Dave supports, will certainly make you sound better. Be sure to re-string said guitar every day, as Dave Matthews does, with D’Addario strings.

An antiestablishment posture

George Bush is stupid! America deserves not to be lied to! Dave loves to bring life to live shows and Rolling Stone interviews by way of sticking it to The Man, and stick it he does. You might try: Inviting friends to your dorm room to listen your rendition of “The Space Between” and offer your thoughts on the state of the nation between verses.