Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

AN INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SERVING THE GW COMMUNITY SINCE 1904

The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

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Crime log: Subject barred after shoplifting at bookstore
By Max Porter, Contributing News Editor • February 26, 2024

Jon Stewart on …

On the 10 Commandments: “The 10 Commandments (posted in a school) keeps kids from shooting other kids just as well as the ‘Employees must wash hands’ sign keeps piss out of my Happy Meal.”

On the Boy Scouts banning gay men: “The definition of gay is thousands of young men wearing neckerchiefs, waiting for the jamboree.”

On “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance: “If you want to make a phrase meaningless, make second-graders repeat it every day.”

On Bush and Hurricane Katrina: “The president had a day of prayer. He should have had a truck of food.”

On the cloning of sheep: “Guess what, f***head? They all look alike. That’s why we count them when we go to sleep.”

On CNN’s Robert Novak: “He only comes out at night now. When you feast on the blackness of souls, sunlight can eat away at your fleshy exterior.”

On having children: “I’ve never gotten the chance to ruin someone from scratch before.”

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