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The GW Hatchet


The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

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FRESHFARM workers ratify union agreement
By Max Porter, Contributing News Editor • February 15, 2024

The Hatchet rates GW Halloween Costumes

Don’t know what to be this year? Well, we’ve got a few ideas. In preparation for the weekend, The Hatchet has mapped out some of the most common and creative GW Halloween costumes.

Abstract concept costume – 2 Pumpkins
You’ve seen this one before. Indicators include excessive fabric, some sort of interpretive dance, the words “I represent” or anything that requires more than 20 seconds of reading. Don’t make yourself turn in early because you’re sick of explaining your costume.

Charlie’s angels – 2 Pumpkins
This costume was kind of cute the first year everyone did it. But now it just looks like three unimaginative girls pretending they could beat you up.

Cop – 4 Pumpkins
In addition to handcuffs, this costume packs another a secret party weapon: The ability to freak out your friends by pretending to bust up their party.

Drunk/Drug Addict – 1 Pumpkin
Amid the night’s chaos, it’s likely no one will notice you pretending to be intoxicated. Unless you pretend to be hooked on adderol and start asking for people’s class notes.

Frankenstein – 3 Pumpkins
This costume has new relevancy this year, thanks to presidential candidate John Kerry. We recommend you go as some hybrid of the two.

GW Sorority girl – 3 Pumpkins
Take advantage of the one night you can go out in Uggs, a skirt and a Greek-letter shirt without having 50+ clones.

Guy going drag – 3 Pumpkins
While some drags can put even RuPaul to shame, others must inevitably take the repulsive approach. Whether you’re waxing your legs to go out as Marilyn Monroe incarnate or pumping iron to look like devil in a blue dress Janet Reno, this costume is usually a success.

Ladies man – 4 Pumpkins
If you’ve been lacking in the libido lately, Saturday Night Live’s “The Ladies Man” is great way to get your engines back up and running. All you’ll need is an outlandish suit, Courvoisier, an afro, and lots – I mean lots – of love. Warning: Costume does not guarantee wearer will actually get laid.

Low-Budget – 4 Pumpkins
With household appliances as this genre’s most common theme, you have to give it up for those kids who stick their head and arms in a Whirlpool box and say they’re a washing machine. Lack of effort usually makes up for itself in the wearer’s inability to make it through a narrow space.

Napoleon Dynamite – 5 Pumpkins
“Napoleon, what are your going to do for Halloween?” “Whatever I want, GOSH!” Be prepared for a night laced with heavy quoting. That is, if you can find a candidate with the right hair, moonboots and wolverine T-shirts.

Nintendo characters – 5 Pumpkins
Who can resist Mario, Luigi and Yoshi? Besides, you can convince yourself that eating mushrooms makes you taller, not hallucinogenic.

Pimp and hoes – 3 Pumpkins
Despite its mild unoriginality, this costume can have a great effect if done right with a big group. Not only that, it diametrically supports the “I must dress sexy” urge on Halloween.

Pirate – 3 Pumpkins
Just beware ye tapered pirate pants. Yaaaarrrr…

Religious – 4 Pumpkins
An altar boy, a priest, a rabbi, a pregnant nun, the pope – possibilities abound. Play your costume off a recent church scandal or social issue and you’re in business. But be sure to confess thy sins after your night of drinking and revelry. Amen.

Rock Star/Sports Star – 1 Pumpkins
Can we say “cop-out?” Don’t think you’re fooling anyone when you put on a jersey and tennis shoes or pick out the hottest rock star to whom you can claim any sort of likeness.

Roller girl – 4 Pumpkins
This costume somehow really caught on. Perhaps it’s the porn reference, or maybe just the ’80s generation indulging in wearing every color under the sun. But putting yourself on wheels ensures a great night.

Sexy School Girl – 1 Pumpkins
Sure, you’ll turn some heads – but can’t we think of anything more creative?

Shower (a la “Karate Kid”) – 5 Pumpkins
So fresh and so clean. All you need is a saw that can cut through metal and a creative explanation for FixIt.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – 5 Pumpkins
Transcending age and gender, this costume is sure to rekindle your audience’s love for the classic ’80s cartoon phenomenon. Plus, you get some sick weaponry. Cowabunga, dude!

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