I, too, want to be like Jared. Who wouldn’t? He’s thin, he’s rich, and he made all his money just by taking a walk over to everyone’s favorite sandwich place – Subway.

I tried to follow in Jared’s footsteps – twice. I failed in both attempts. It was about 1 a.m. about two Saturdays ago, and I was at the Brickskeller. I suddenly had a craving that could only be suppressed by one thing – one foot of fresh, out-of-the-oven white bread with meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato and everything else in Subway’s Garden of Eden.

Much to my chagrin, I arrived at 1:40 a.m. on March 2 only to be denied.

It is a Western showdown between the GWorld card-reader and me. I swipe it, access granted, light green. Hallelujah, my brother! I have been admitted to the Promised Land. I try to open the door to get in – access denied.

I looked up to see the clouds rolling in again. I leave in utter disgust as I hear others talking about how good their sandwiches were. The sign reads open till 2 a.m. I walked home with a hump on my back, like Frankenstein’s assistant, Igor. It was a sad, sad night.

I guess there’s only one Jared.
-Adam Laitman
senior