Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet


The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

What I would do with $200 million

Tuesday night I won $50 from a scratch-off lottery ticket. At the time, I thought it was great, but now I realize I probably used up all my lottery luck for the rest of my life. Because that same night, to my surprise, I did not win the $200 million jackpot in the “Big Game” Lotto. It’s too bad, because I was counting on winning. Now I guess I’ll have to return that Volkswagen Beetle.

Some guy in Boston won the Big One, which just isn’t fair. Not because he lives in Boston, just that it wasn’t me. He doesn’t even pay tuition at GW. But I bet President Trachtenberg has already sent the guy a letter saying he can have New Hall named after him if he donates the $200 million to GW. Now that’s a deal.

On the off chance I didn’t use all of my luck with those $50, I do spend a lot of time thinking about what I’d with $200 million if I won. You don’t want to be caught unprepared when these things happen. Of course, I realize a lot of students here DO have $200 million, so this maybe boring for some of you, but just humor me.

Although I admit that “Shrout Hall” sounds catchy, I have to say GW is the last place on Earth I would donate money to. I don’t know, it doesn’t seem like a worthy cause. They might spend it all on admissions office mailings. I’d like the administration to prove it would put the money to good use.

I’d rather give the money straight to the Program Board. Now there’s an organization that knows how to put money to good use. Maybe it could use the $200 million to book New Kids on the Block or something.

I would seriously think about giving some of my money to the Metro people. For those who haven’t heard, the Metro has been having a lot more problems than broken escalators this week. During rush hour Wednesday, Metro riders staged some sort of sit-in on a Metro car that was being taken out of service. Or, as The Washington Post called it, a “mutiny.”

I can’t help but wish I had been there. No one ever calls me when there’s a good mutiny going on. I guess Metropolitan Police even had to come, and people were comparing it to the 1968 Democratic convention in Chicago. All right, I’m getting carried away. But people did refuse to get off until police forced them. Is that really a good protest?

The most fun thing to do with a large sum of money is giving it away to a lot of random people. Just normal people who weren’t expecting it. I would do that.

After I bought back my Volkswagen Beetle, I’d give some money to that guy in front of Tower Records. And I’d give some to the J Street workers, just to see if it would make them smile. (And it probably wouldn’t, in which case I would take it back.)

I’d give large sums to all of my professors in exchange for A’s. I’d give large sums to all my professors because they have such a thankless job and have taught me so much.

I’d go into a restaurant for dinner and leave the waitress a $500 tip. I’d give a scholarship to some girl from Georgia. I’d go into the GW Bookstore in the fall and tell everyone in line I was buying their books for them.

I think I’d also make some building repairs. I’d put air conditioning on the second floor in Funger Hall. I would fix the elevators in Thurston Hall. And that’s just for starters.

So if you see me on campus, you should probably be real nice to me because it won’t be long before I win the lottery. And if you’re lucky, I might just share it with you.

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