Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

An IT employee said Wednesday that he finally fixed the broken pound key on the men’s basketball staff’s computer after it was stuck for an entire season.

The team’s Twitter account has been an inscrutable mess since November, featuring hundreds of what appeared to be hashtags but was really just the symbol followed by gibberish.

IT employee Nelson Wires said that after he toiled all night to understand the workings of the computer and other things the kids are into these days, the key should be fixed.

“We’ve been trying really hard,” Wires said. “Some might say we were trying too hard. Like way too hard – so hard, it’s getting a little ridiculous how hard we’re trying.”

Some affects of the broken key were hashtags of great length, like “#ClutchThreeFromDowntownLikeDowntownDCWhereWeAreRightNowGuysHowCoolIsThat,” while others were shorter and clearly didn’t need a hashtag, such as #twopointbasket and #pass.

Sophomore Georgina Washington said scrolling through the tweets during games didn’t help her learn what was going on, and that she’s glad the IT department stepped in so she can finally understand the action on the court from her phone.

“Well, I go to GW so I don’t really know any of their names, much less a nickname,” Washington said. “Honestly, I thought it was supposed to be ironic or that it was some kind of trivia thing.”