It turns out that GW’s newest mascot, Big George, is not as roly-poly and lovable as everyone thought.

After growing to 50 times his original size, Big George turned evil Sunday afternoon and destroyed many parts of the downtown Washington, D.C., area.

After wreaking havoc across GW’s campus, Big George, moved to the National Mall and began destroying and defacing some of the nation’s most treasured monuments.

Efforts by the D.C. police to stop B.G. failed, and President Clinton has called in the U.S. Army to try to end the horrible rampage.

“We thought guns would work,” D.C. police chief Cant Shootstraight said. “But we missed him and just ended up shooting each other. Oh well.”

At deadline, Big George was making his way toward the White House. He had already broken the Washington Monument over his knee, mooned innocent onlookers at the Vietnam Wall and taken a piss in the reflecting pool.

In an exclusive interview before Big George destroyed the Lincoln Memorial, he said he didn’t know what to attribute his sudden largeness to.

“It’s pretty fucking cool, though,” said Big George, who wants to be called the Notorious B.G. from now on. “I’ll show all those fuckers who booed me at home games who’s the boss around here.”

Big George cited poor student reaction and that he was fed up with appearing at weddings and bar mitzvahs as reasons why he started destroying GW and the surrounding metropolitan area.

“They think I am some kind of freak show,” Big George said. “If one more little Jewish kid came up behind me and goosed me, I would have strangled him. I’ve got to let off some steam.”

At times, Big George has had problems destroying things because his elbows are still attached to his torso and he has to waddle everywhere he goes, much like when he was smaller.

The Lack of Student Activities Center has been trying to negotiate with Big George so that he will stop his rampage but says things are not looking good.

“We never imagined this could happen,” Pooper Conversely of LSAC said. “I mean, we all knew Big George was a stupid idea from the get-go, but at least he was going to be a harmless fuck-up. Now look what we’ve done.”

Watt Gozeup of the GW physics department says he is not positive why Big George grew to 50 times his original size, but he has a working theory. He believes the sudden growth spurt can be attributed to the following equation:

Rate of growth = (How stupid GW students think Big George is) x (How pissed off students are that the University wasted money on Big George)

“From the looks of Big George, they’re pretty pissed off,” Gozeup said.

Flying in the face of Gozeup’s logic is the fact that students on campus seem to think Big George is a little cooler now that he turned to evil.

“He used to really suck,” junior Bea Viss said. “Now he sucks and breaks things. And makes fire! Yeah, fire! Cool! Uh-huh.”

Wanted

If you see Big George, approach with caution and with a wide array of jokes about him.

Identifying characteristics:
-Bigger than most buildings.
-Can’t shoot a basketball if his life depended on it.
-Often twirls his index fingers in the air like a moron.
-Waves like a sissy.