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Dear Annie,

I keep having terrible experiences with turtles, but my girlfriend is turtle-obsessed and wants to get a turtle for our shared apartment? Should I say no or just eventually make turtle soup?

If anyone cares,
Leonardo

Dear Leonardo,

While your girlfriend may see her love of the scaly reptiles as crucial to who she is, it doesn’t mean your relationship is turtles all the way down. To find your footing, develop a compromise that leaves you both feeling turtle-y awesome about your relationship and living space.

If dealing with a roommate who spends hours primping in the bathroom was bad enough, adding a third, slower roommate might be the last thing you want. But, as you said, it’s a shared apartment. And your roommate isn’t just anyone — she’s your girlfriend. Keeping the peace in your relationship and living situation is a feat only a superhero could pull off — or a comic book character like Leonardo from “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” As the most responsible of the “TMNT” gang, Leonardo would see compromise as the key to your mission. 

Before talking to your girlfriend, consider what has made your experiences with turtles “terrible.” Did they jump out of the sewer and terrify you? In that case, you may have encountered mutant ninja turtles, and I recommended asking your eight-year-old cousin what to do about them. Or, more likely, have you poked and prodded at turtles, trying to play with them before they get angry and fight back? The turtles could be having a terrible experience with you. Change your behavior and you may find the reptiles more likable.

Tell your girlfriend why you feel hesitant by enlightening her about your experiences with the slimy, slow creatures. Be aware, she may question whether or not she’s dating a real person or a character who fell out of “Super Mario Bros.” after running from Bowser for years. Nonetheless, she should understand it’s a shared apartment. She can’t bring home a cold-blooded roommate without your permission.

Ask her why she wants to get a turtle for your apartment. Does she want one because, as you say, she’s obsessed? Consider ways she can spend time with turtles outside your apartment, like visiting the National Zoo or volunteering with animal organizations in D.C. Go with her to these activities to show her that, although it’s too much to have a crawling shell in your apartment, you care about her passion. Maybe the exposure will help you conquer your fear.

Further, your girlfriend may want to get a pet turtle to bring you two closer together. Getting a pet is a bonding experience for a couple, gaining more responsibility and reinforcing your commitment to each other. If you’re ready for the responsibility of owning a pet and want to bolster your commitment — as you have by not just dating but also living together — find a pet you both want, perhaps a smaller creature like a frog. You’ll have the same bonding experience and feel happy about your new animal roommate.

While compromise is the goal, your girlfriend may remain steadfast in her desire for a pet turtle. You may have to take a risk and embrace it. Relationships are designed to be comforting, not comfortable. To maintain your connection, you occasionally have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation if it means a lot to the person you love. If you and your girlfriend solve this issue at turtle speed, you may be shell-shocked to learn you may not be that compatible.

Whatever sound turtles make,

Annie