Facing a problem yourself? Annie has answers. Ask away!

Dear Annie,

My roommate and I are in a standoff right now. There’s a used condom lying on the floor of our room and it’s been there for over a week and we’re both just pretending it’s not there because neither of us wants to touch it. I’m 95% sure it’s his but Idk how to ask him to throw it out.

Help please,
funked spunk

Dear funked spunk,

In a step-by-step guide of how to have sex — which this advice columnist researched to save you all the trouble — the last step is to “dispose of the condom properly.” I guess, you could say, your roommate didn’t finish.

Out of all of the roommate issues people have submitted, this one takes the cake for grossness, and it’s also easiest to avoid. You have sex. You throw out the condom. It feels even simpler than asking your roommate to wash their dishes (sometimes they need to soak!). How have you gone more than a week with a condom on your floor (please tell me you don’t have a carpet!) Also, how are you not 100 percent sure whose it is?

Since I am an advice columnist, I aim to approach all of my queries with well-intentioned suggestions. In spite of my abject horror, I will give you the attention you deserve.

I, like most weathered college students, have run the gamut in dealing with roommate conflict. I’ve dealt with roommate issues through passive-aggressive text messages, aggressive text messages, confrontation, and — a personal favorite — ignoring the problem. As letting the condom fester for any longer might turn into a biohazard, you need to take the speedy, most effective route: direct confrontation.

But first, you must throw out that condom. It’s gross, and I’m sorry you have to do it. I am a big believer that whoever makes the mess should clean it up. After all, there is a 5 percent chance it was yours. Maybe this experience will help you keep better track of where you put your condoms.

To avoid future sticky situations, have a casual conversation with your roommate, talking to each other while you are both chilling in the room. Directly mention the condom you guys both left out on the floor — acknowledging you are both at fault for letting it sit for an excessive amount of time. Frame the conversation as you would like to see a joint effort in keeping the space cleaner to avoid another who-cum-it incident.

If you feel nervous before the chat, remember — especially with a used condom — it’s not that deep. Asking your roommate to clean up their own mess — especially when it’s bodily fluids — is a basic expectation.

Seminally,

Annie