Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

A Bunch of Hipsters
“Mix CD that my pseudo-indie friend burned me”

Okay, so after these unfortunate-looking Canadians (Arcade Flamers?) beat Katy Perry and Gaga for the Album of the Year Grammy this year, I thought my ears were ready to lose their indie virginity. After my pseudo-indie friend expressed his reluctance – he said I should really only experience this music on vinyl – he burned me a mixed CD. From track 1 to track 49, this album oozed cool. Sure, some of the songs lacked melodies and some of the vocalists sounded like what would happen if Lord Voldemort signed a recording contract. But it’s okay! The band names were so exotic: Animal Collective… Deerhunter… Grizzly Bear. It was like zoo creatures decided to make a record but were too cool to sign with EMI Music. I can’t wait to go with my pseudo-indie friend to the Black Cat or Rock ‘N’ Roll Hotel now. I’m not really sure how one would dance to this kind of music, but that’s not the point, he said. Just stand there and bob your head like a douchebag.

Coco Whinyberg

Rebecca Black
“Friday (Single)”
(ARK Music Factory)

When I was 13, I remember going to at the mall and hanging out with my friends instead of doing homework. My greatest ambition was just to have fun, but Rebecca Black, the 13-year-old who has recently risen to YouTube fame, takes the typical teen’s weekend and transforms it into a sensational and catchy song that everyone can enjoy in her new single, “Friday,” going far and beyond the average teen’s work ethic in order to be an entirely fresh entertainer. Lady Gaga’s humdrum background music doesn’t hold a candle to the ingenious synth beats that only serve to enhance Black’s vocal talent. If you consider yourself a respectable music connoisseur of any kind, you should download Rebecca Black’s single if you haven’t already.

Karma Chah-meleon