Facing a problem? Annie has answers. Ask away!

Dear Annie,

I lost the class registration war. My two friends and I have the same major and decided to take a French class together. My friends got in, but I didn’t. I’m taking the same class at a different time but, I just joined the waitlist for theirs. I know language classes have so much talking during class so I’m worried they’ll get closer. I just feel so left out and the class hasn’t even happened yet. What do I do?

Help please,

Le miserable

Dear Le miserable,

I cannot hear the people sing over your complaints. You didn’t lose the class registration war. Brandishing your weapon of speedy fingers on a keyboard, you reserved a spot in an intended course, avoiding the GW rite of passage of turning to your Plan D in finalizing your schedule. You may have a heart full of insecurity. To overcome it, you’ll need to place your trust in your friends. 

While language classes do involve a lot of “talking,” anyone who’s ever taken one knows most of the conversations are uninteresting, incorporating whatever the weekly vocabulary is to describe your weekend, favorite color or route to school. Your friends are not going to get much closer over those basic tidbits that mon ami tend to already know about each other. Further, if you’re all in the same language level, you’ll likely have similar assignments, which you can complete together or practice the same vocabulary, while also gossiping about your possible shared professor. Taking the same course, albeit at different times, could present an opportunity for the three of you to grow closer.

Consider if your friends have ever given you a reason to feel like they’ve left you on your own. Maybe you’ve caught them eating at the dining hall together or whispering before you enter a room. Even if this does ring true for you, these behaviors might just be the product of circumstances. Who hasn’t run into a friend and made a last-minute decision to eat because you’re both hungry or had an experience they feel more comfortable telling one person rather than the whole group? Even your friends getting into a class is circumstantial rather than intentional. You have to trust that if your friends were in total control, they would want to have you at their table. 

If you don’t believe in your friend’s good intentions, reflect on your past relationships. Have you ever felt or been left out before, perhaps finding yourself surrounded by empty chairs at an empty table in a middle school cafeteria? Anxiety about the future can come from previous experiences. Rather than give in to believing your friends will forget about you, remember you have agency over the situation. You can organize a study session or an opportunity to hang out not involving classes, like scheduling a night for family dinners. 

Let this be a lesson, too. You don’t need to follow everything your friends do. If you feel stuck in this class just because you’re away from your friends, that might be a sign you should take more steps to become your own person apart from them. Take this as an opportunity to become a certified Francophile. Pour yourself into your studies, and take the time apart as a chance to focus on your learning, your French and yourself.

Friendships, especially in college, ebb and flow every year. While changes are influenced by dorm assignments and class schedules, we ultimately control how often we see our friends. If you want to maintain your friendship, you’ll make time to see each other. Besides, the ties between individuals in a friend group vary from person to person: It’s not an equilateral triangle with everyone connected by lines of the same length. To keep your insecurity from tearing the group apart, you have to trust your friends.

Bonne chance,

Annie