In the “Dance Moms” pyramid of GW residence halls, undergraduates have a clear consensus on which buildings are the Maddie Zieglers and which are the Paige Hylands.

Undergraduates typically vie for spots in South and Shenkman halls to take advantage of spacious quarters and competitive amenities, but the stars of GW’s housing are not always what they are cracked up to be. And while some Abby Lee Miller types in the student body may disagree, the residence halls that often fall to the bottom of the pyramid deserve their flowers as much as those that dominate the top spots. 

Since the housing registration process for the next academic year launched Thursday, here are our hottest takes on the GW residence halls that resemble unsung heroes and overrated stars.

JBKO Hall is good, actually

Caitlin Kitson | Contributing Culture Editor

Living in JBKO Hall during my first year at GW was a biblical experience. From a mold outbreak to floods and kitchen fires, there appeared to be some divine intervention at play in fall 2021, utilizing the forces of nature to send me an ominous message of what my college experience would be like — hazardous. These bad omens have proven false for me thus far, knock on wood, but the series of unfortunate events that plagued JBKO that year made the building a target for my fellow undergraduates’ jabs and jeers.

But after GW plopped me in JBKO again for my second year against my wishes, I grew a soft spot for the residence hall. Despite its past proclivity for small-scale environmental disasters and the outdated appliances of its bathrooms and kitchens, JBKO makes up for any drawbacks through spacious walk-in closets, close proximity to the Foggy Bottom-GWU Metro station and a rooftop ideal for catching sunsets and a glimpse of the monuments. It’s no easy feat for a young adult to secure a relatively affordable apartment with large windows and French doors — two highlights of the JBKO interior design. 

Like any other college dorm, JBKO is ultimately what you make of it. Whether you’re itching to chill on a rooftop while sipping an overpriced prebiotic soda from Whole Foods or have the sudden urge to jet off on the Metro and escape the neighborhood, JBKO can be the launching pad for sophomores to maximize their college experience. 

South Hall is bad, actually

Nick Perkins | Culture Editor

I guarantee every single person reading this, at least briefly in college, has lost their GWorld. It’s a bummer, and if you never figured out how to set up the MobileID app like me, you probably had to rely on your roommates to let you into your residence hall.

Unless you lived in South Hall. Then, you’d be trapped out in the living room on a cold, gray GW couch unable to get past the GWorld lock on your room. A residence hall with that setup doesn’t deserve the sterling reputation that South has developed for its in-unit laundry machines and apartment-style bedrooms. 

One of the joys of college is having a roommate — you might become friends or you might get a whole lot of funny horror stories for years to come. Isolating yourself in a solo South room takes away from that quintessential experience, the same way having a laundry machine in your own room means you don’t get to regale relatives with the tales of long hours spent sitting in a laundromat corner. College is a time to be 20. South, as nice as it may be, takes that away and forces juniors and seniors to be middle-aged suburbanites.

International House is good, actually

Nick Aguirre Zafiro | Video Editor

Anyone who complains about living in International House is clearly too used to having everything easy when it comes to housing. For one of the cheapest dorms on the Foggy Bottom Campus, starting at $6,910 per semester, sophomores get their own kitchen and bathroom, a solid room setup achievable with some creativity and stellar window views. The rooms are on the smaller side, but the walk-in closet makes up for it — it’s recommended to bunk the beds to make space, and trust, the bunk beds are not as bad as they seem.

One of the biggest arguments against International House is its location on Virginia Avenue. It is a long walk if you’re getting back from a Whole Foods run, but it has an otherwise optimal location. The Lerner Health and Wellness Center is a four-minute walk, Shenkman Hall is a two-minute walk, &pizza is literally behind the building and you have bragging rights for your nearness to the monuments.

Another upside to living in International House is its seclusion. That brief walk from International House to the nearest academic building is the perfect distance — still included within the bounds of campus but far enough to make you feel like you’re living in an apartment instead of a residence hall. 

The building is also an optimal place to throw ragers, once you bunk your beds and stuff your dining table into the walk-in closet to clear room for a dance floor. If you live in a residence hall with too much space, everyone flocks to the kitchen, and if you live in a shoebox, it gets real musty real fast. But at International House, you can throw a packed party and still have enough space to breathe. 

Amsterdam Hall is bad, actually

Caitlin Kitson | Contributing Culture Editor

At first glance, Amsterdam Hall appears to offer the best of both worlds for sophomores. The building boasts a central location on H Street while still affording some natural seclusion from the hustle and bustle of campus by sitting off of 23rd Street and across from the GroW Garden. Amsterdam Hall also provides a spacious living room and kitchen similar to that of Shenkman Hall but without the ruckus of Shenkman’s dining hall and proximity to Lerner. 

These are all compelling advantages for lodging in Amsterdam Hall. But as a former resident myself, I have a gripe that I cannot let go of — the showers.

It is commendable that Amsterdam Hall provides stall showers instead of the less accessible tub showers of JBKO and Munson halls. However, the square footage of the showers is where I take issue. Showering in an Amsterdam Hall shower feels akin to sleeping in one of those space pods in the critically panned 2016 science fiction film “Passengers” with Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence. By the time you’re done contorting your body to take an everything shower in an Amsterdam Hall bathroom, you’ll feel like you just lost years off your life.