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Dear Annie,

My roommate never cleans, is always high, leaves food out in the common area and smells bad. Mold is starting to grow in our kitchen and he has started to blame me and my other roommates for his mess. We’ve asked him many times to clean up and he refuses. How do we get him to lock in on life?

Help please,

Fungus Eater

Dear Fungus Eater,

In season two of Lena Dunham’s irreverent HBO dramedy “Girls,” Dunham’s character Hannah suffers a breakdown. Isolated from her friends and under pressure to finish writing an e-book, she locks herself in her New York City apartment, neglecting to eat, clean or bathe. It ultimately takes her sympathetic ex-situationship, Adam — played by Adam Driver — running shirtless through Brooklyn and breaking down the locked door of her apartment to pull Hannah out of her funk. 

Messiness on the outside often reflects messiness on the inside. With the incessant smoking, unsanitary habits and accusatory behavior, your roommate may be wrestling with something. Though they might not be finishing an e-book to prove they’re a voice of their generation like Hannah, it’s worth giving your roommate space to explain what’s going on and have grace toward their messiness. After all, most college students aren’t lucky enough to have a stud A-list actor pull them from their funk. 

Rather than telling your roommate for the umpteenth time to use Lysol wipes on the counter, ask them if there is anything going on that they would like to talk about. Emphasize that you’ve noticed a change in their behavior. Offer to help, whether that’s lending a listening ear when they need to vent or strategizing a way to solve their potential problem. Approaching your roommate with empathy rather than a request may yield more results than peppering them with another reminder of how messy they are.

If your roommate denies anything is wrong, it may be time to call a suite meeting. As empathetic as you can be, it isn’t fair or healthy for you to live in someone else’s filth. Focus on discussing ways you could all improve as roommates as opposed to singling out your stinkiest roommate. Even if it is performative, people are more likely to modify their behavior if they don’t feel like the villain. Besides, I’m sure there is room for improvement from all of your roommates, including yourself. If you’d like a mediator, you could reach out to your community coordinator. 

If nothing changes after giving your roommate space to talk and organizing a group meeting, it may be time to develop an alternative action plan with your other roommates. We’ve all had roommates whose living habits don’t meet our standards or any standards for that matter. While it may be frustrating to pick up after another 20-something, you can’t live in filth. Make a plan with your other roommates on how you can each pick up the slack, perhaps developing a chore chart the work is balanced.

Consider your living arrangements for next year. On-campus housing assignments open for returning students today and close right before spring break. Make sure you’ve discussed your housing plans with your roommate and all your suitemates for that matter. If his messiness doesn’t change, it may be time to bid your pot-loving roommate farewell. 

A voice of an advice column,

Annie