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Dear Annie,
I’m the biggest Chappell Roan stan but my bff and roommate does not like Chappell Roan. Like at all. I’ve tried to get her to listen to Chappell Roan and she’ll roll her eyes and reluctantly listen. She gets annoyed with me. As best friends it makes me sad that she doesn’t like my favorite artist. One day I was playing Red Wine Supernova in our dorm and she told me to turn it off and that her music is weird. That made me really upset. My roommate never apologized but she did get me some Chappell Roan merch as a gift. I’m not sure if I should accept the gift and move on. I’m really hurt my best friend called my favorite artist’s music weird. Should I tell her how I feel and ask for an apology or is it stupid to risk jeopardizing our friendship?
Help please,
GW’s Midwest Princess
Dear GW’s Midwest Princess,
Back at your house — okay, maybe it’s a dorm — you have a roommate who may not be cool with your taste in music. But as long as she’s cool with you, there’s no reason to get all choked up, face down and burnt out over your different musical preferences.
Sharing our favorite things with our friends or roommates requires vulnerability, and it can be sad if they don’t like them as much as you do. But their aversion to your favorite tunes isn’t a reflection of how they feel about your friendship. For one, as much as you like Chappell Roan’s music, it’s not your work. She’s not criticizing a project into which you poured your heart and soul. Further, it doesn’t sound like she’s calling you “weird” for liking Chappell Roan. Buying you a shirt demonstrates she supports your appreciation for Chappell Roan’s campy beats that sound like remnants of an ’80s discotheque. If you think it’d deepen your friendship to have your friend listen to Chappell Roan every so often with you, focus on asking for what you need rather than an apology — your friend isn’t doing anything wrong by having different music preferences than you.
Next time you play tunes from a super-graphic, ultra-modern girl, tell your friend you would appreciate it if she held back on the eye rolls and attempted to give the song an enthusiastic listen. If you haven’t already, explain why you love Chappell Roan beyond her music. Perhaps you’re drawn to her flamboyant drag persona or admire her for putting mental health above work. Give your friend the opportunity to understand how engaging with your music taste means a lot to you. Return the favor of her giving your music a chance by playing one song rather than turning on a complete Chappell Roan playlist.
It’s a shame your friend won’t dance with you at the Pink Pony Club, but the truth is our best friends don’t have to like everything we like. A friendship that is a carbon copy of yourself isn’t a worthwhile relationship because it fails to expose you to new interests and perspectives. Reflect on how you handled having different tastes in the past, whether it’s splitting appetizers at dinner or settling on a film to watch. Would you ask for an apology if she said she didn’t want to split an order of Tonic’s tots? Even though it’s your favorite artist, consider her distaste for Chappell as another difference that brings color to your friendship.
I’m hot to know how you engage with the media your friend likes that you could live without. Are you repulsed by the way she rejects any and all Chappell Roan tracks? If we don’t humor what our friends like, they won’t tolerate what we like. Make sure you’re engaging with what she likes the way you want her to listen to Chappell Roan.
Furthermore, you are not just best friends, but you are also roommates. While asking you to turn off your music isn’t the kindest course of action, remember that it’s her home, too. It’s reasonable to want quiet or to avoid hearing music she doesn’t like, especially when she’s trying to unwind. Invest in a good pair of headphones and blast “Red Wine Supernova” at the highest volume, so you can indulge at your leisure. Roommate relationships thrive when both parties respect each other’s boundaries. If not playing Chappell Roan when she’s trying to relax feels unreasonable to you, you may not be good roommates.
It’s not a flaw that your friend doesn’t appreciate a Femininomenon when she hears one. We all have different preferences. If you’re still not satisfied with that, Chappell Roan’s music plays everywhere — over TikTok videos, at workout classes or at any tasteful bar. Let Chappell Roan’s omnipresence serve as your friend’s karma.
Annie
