Nothing marks the dawn of spooky season like the sight of an orange sign adorned with the Grim Reaper hanging above a previously abandoned storefront.  

This infamous sign belongs to none other than Spirit Halloween — a seasonal retail store that sells Halloween costumes, accessories and decorations and boasts more than 1,500 locations across the country, which seem to materialize out of thin air as soon as summer ends. 

A trend of Spirit Halloween costume spoofs went viral in October 2022, including a trash bag simply titled “Your Ex” and a “Campaign Finance Staffer” ensemble of a plaid button down and a Patagonia vest. During the premiere for its 50th season in September, “Saturday Night Live” aired a sketch poking fun at Spirit Halloween’s tendency to pop up in vacant storefronts and sell costumes based on famous characters that they edit just enough to avoid copyright infringement. 

To understand what makes Spirit Halloween a subject of fascination in the cultural zeitgeist, I ventured to Tysons, Virginia, where one of the superstore’s eight locations in the DMV area resides. Much to my dismay, there are currently no Spirit Halloweens in D.C. proper. But if the government falls apart after Election Day, this post about Spirit Halloween replacing the White House on X, formerly known as Twitter, will become a reality.

After multiple laps through the store, I found a whole lot of costumes I had no interest in wearing this Halloween season. From an abundance of penis joke costumes to viral water bottles, here are the most bizarre costumes Spirit Halloween had to offer.

Elections and Copaganda

Beyond the Freddy Krueger and Harry Potter costumes showcased prominently toward the front of the store, Spirit Halloween had a small section toward the back to make sure you don’t forget that Election Day is just five days after Halloween this year. 

But it seems like the store forgot who is actually running for president this election cycle, as cardboard masks of President Joe Biden’s face hung on the rack next to masks of former President Donald Trump. This juxtaposition may have been accurate in June, but Biden dropped out in July with Vice President Kamala Harris taking his place as the Democratic candidate. Unfortunately, costumed references to Harris’ repertoire of tailored pantsuits or her summer marketing campaign surrounding Charli XCX’s album “Brat” were nowhere in sight.

As the inaccuracy may indicate, Spirit Halloween does not seem to care much about electoral politics or have a desire to endorse either candidate. The only other item in the political section was a shirt with red, white and blue text that read “I Stand With No One They Both Suck 2024” in capital letters.

Besides presidential politics, nothing screams “America” like “copaganda,” or the glamorization and sensationalization of policing through media and popular culture. And boy, did this show up countless times in Spirit Halloween. 

The store displayed multiple rows of police officer costumes, with the most unsettling outfits presenting “sexy” takes on cops like “Officer D*ck Udown” and “Lieutenant Ivana Misbehave.” The disconcerting cop costumes lined up next to equally sexualized prisoner costumes, like “Melanie Felony” and “Confined Cutie.” 

The careless glorification of the prison industrial complex was on full display in the “Breakin’ the Law” section of Spirit Halloween, imbuing the store with a sinister energy that sent a bigger shiver down my spine than any of the creepy clown costumes. And there were a lot of clowns.

Sex Sells

Spirit Halloween takes the infamous phrase “sex sells” to heart. Prior to venturing out to Tysons Corner, I had seen an X post about a section of Spirit Halloween dedicated to influencer Haliey Welch of “Hawk Tuah” and “spit on that thang” fame. Unfortunately, the Tysons Corner location did not offer a “Hawk Tuah” section but thankfully did not deprive me completely of the ridiculous sex jokes I was looking for.

An entire row of costumes in their Tysons Corner outpost was branded under a “Dirty Work” sign with a retro, 1950s font, serving up an abundance of overdone sex jokes. From utility shirts adorned with the logo for “Hugh Mungus Deck Builders” to a trucker hat that advertises the business “Rock Hard Caulking,” the complete lack of subtlety in the “Dirty Work” section left me giggling at times. 

Just steps away from the “Dirty Work” section laid an inflatable costume of a giant tape measure stretched out to 10 inches with the word “MANLY” written on the side, as well as the somehow even less subtle inflatable penis costume. Spirit Halloween has clearly continued to pay homage to the enduring appeal of the penis joke. The store also solidified itself as a space for safe sex advocacy with an inflatable condom costume embellished with the wise words, “No Glove No Love.”

Listen, I can get down with a well-done, innovative penis joke. But the overwhelming number of costumes resembling the same phallic humor left me rolling my eyes. Remember, size — or in this case, quantity — doesn’t matter. It’s how you use it.

Costuming Commodities

In “Capital,” Karl Marx introduced the concept of “commodity fetishism” as the capitalist-driven process of ascribing objects with inherent value, devoid of the labor necessary for production. Even if Marxism isn’t your jam, the persistence of commodity fetishism is palpable strolling through the hallowed halls of Spirit Halloween. 

Start with the store’s row of alcoholic beverage costumes. From a couples costume of a tequila bottle and a lime to a solo costume of a beer keg, you can embody the drinks you’ll be swinging back at parties this Halloweekend — quite a meta experience, if you ask me. And nothing demonstrates the public’s obsession with commodities more than the pink, green and purple water bottle costumes in the children’s section, paying homage to the ongoing Stanley Cup craze.

SNL wasn’t wrong when it poked fun at Spirit Halloween for the ways they evade copyright infringement in their costumes. A costume called “Spiked Tea,” consisting of a giant, yellow can suit with the words “Two Fisted Tea” written across in blue lettering, is a clear twist (pun intended) on a Twisted Tea. The costume dodges a lawsuit with free promo that I can’t imagine the hard iced tea company would have a problem with.

What happened to people dressing up as Halloween classics, like witches and vampires or as niche film characters that challenge you to flex how chronically on Letterboxd you are? The sheer quantity of beverage costumes at Spirit Halloween would make Marx turn over in his grave. I’m right there with him in the depths of despair about the effects of late-stage capitalism on All Hallows’ Eve.