Facing a problem? Annie has answers. Ask away!
Dear Annie,
My boyfriend has no idea how to kiss, how do I address it without making him upset?
XOXO,
Tina Belcher
Dear Tina Belcher,
Scarier than any seasonal horror flick, imagine your beau leaning toward you with their mouth open and tongue at the ready — but when you lock lips, it’s like a slobbering dog. The one thing more spine-chilling than receiving a bad kiss is being the bad kisser. The only way to avoid these horrifying fates for you and your boyfriend is to talk about his kissing.
While you could casually leave your phone open on a WikiHow page with advice for canoodling worthy of tabloid fodder, kissing is subjective. What one person craves, another person might find absolutely disgusting. If you’re anything like your animated namesake — Tina Belcher from Bob’s Burgers — you nurture wild smooch fantasies, complete with lots of butt-touching and spooky, supernatural figures. The internet won’t ensure your partner gives you the frenching of your dreams, so you will have to go directly to the source: your boyfriend.
Kissing is a highly teachable skill if you show your partner your preferences. Next time you’re playing seven minutes in heaven together, show him what you like. Focus on what he could do better instead of highlighting what he’s done wrong. You may have to take the lead, perhaps tactfully adjusting his hand placement.
Make sure the way you deliver feedback feels natural to you. If you tend to talk a lot during a makeout session, then the best approach is using your words. But if you tend to moan with seductive enthusiasm that would make my most conservative readers blush, then add extra sultriness this time.
As you’re providing direction, ask him if there’s anything you could do better. Relationships — and locking lips — take two to tango. If you’re trying to make him a better kisser, he deserves to know you’re open to feedback. Yours aren’t the only lips involved. If you think your collective snogging isn’t up to par, there’s a chance he feels it too.
Though it may be uncomfortable to deliver the sucky news, remember that no one wants to embarrass themselves when the situation has an easy solution. You’d rather have someone tell you there’s broccoli stuck in your front teeth than walk around with the green florets lodged in your pearly whites all day. You’re doing your boyfriend and your relationship a favor. It’s going to hurt even more to hear he’s a bad kisser five years from now.
To your boyfriend’s credit, his kissing ability didn’t hold you back from dating him. He’s doing something right, whether it’s his good looks, stellar sense of humor or intelligence that inspires you to study a little harder. Once you communicate how you like to be smooched, you may have a golden relationship.
Smooches,
Annie
