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Dear Annie,

I’m a first-year and my roommate and I are total opposites. She’s really social and parties from Thursday to Sunday, while I’m painfully introverted and like to keep to myself. My roommate has parties in our residence hall every weekend which makes me uncomfortable, so I often wander around and find different places on campus to be by myself. I don’t know how to have a conversation with her about this because she’s very social and loves to party and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I’ve even spent weekends falling asleep for the night in Gelman because I have no where else to go. What should I do?

Help please,
Friendless Introvert

Dear Friendless Introvert,

Opposites attract and, given the fall weather, no movie exemplifies this phenomenon better than “When Harry Met Sally.” Everyone in the film finds a match in their opposite, like the romance between optimistic Sally with cynical Harry or the friendship between Harry and his nerdy, introverted buddy Jess. You and your roommate may be opposites, but like Harry and Jess, that doesn’t mean your situation is unsolvable.

While the library should be a part of your GW experience, it shouldn’t be the only part of your time here — or, dare I say, even the majority. You also have to practice life skills, like advocating for yourself and leaving your comfort zone. Hosting parties every weekend that inadvertently exile you to Gelman is poor roommate etiquette, but not sticking up for yourself enables the situation. Communicate and come to a compromise. She can find alternative places to party, and you may need to loosen up. 

Next time your roommate mentions hosting her friends, speak up. Explain you need to recharge, and outline your past experiences wandering around Foggy Bottom with only the rats for company. Avoid asking her to stop throwing parties, but discuss better ways to share your space that grant you quiet time and her the opportunity to socialize. 

Remember that being introverted does not mean you’re friendless. You may be more reserved and require copious rest after social interactions. These tendencies can make it harder to make friends, but they aren’t an excuse to be a loner. Expect that you may have to stretch your comfort zone to build friendships, but these relationships can quickly evolve with pastimes you both enjoy. Harry and Jess spend most of their friendship parallel playing, doing a low-pressure activity together like hitting line drives in a batting cage and casually chatting.

Friendships are a crucial part of life. They allow you to grow because, unfortunately, maturing does not happen in your blanket cocoon watching your comfort rom-coms on repeat. For introverts, finding friends often means challenging yourself, whether it’s asking a friend to lunch, striking up a chat before class instead of doomscrolling or perhaps attending your roommate’s parties instead of hiding in the library.

If your roommate doesn’t invite you to parties in your own space, add that to your list of what to discuss in your conversation. If you’re the one opting out, consider why. What about her parties makes you uncomfortable? Are they treating Thursday night parties at Potomac House like it’s a Las Vegas casino, or are they having a few drinks and chatting? 

It’s understandable to avoid a party if you have to participate in undesirable fraternity house shenanigans — or, more apt to GW, play a politics-themed drinking game. But if your roommate and her friends are doing reasonable, college-aged activities, it’s worth staying around to see what happens. Giving your roommate’s party a chance may allow you to connect more deeply with her in her favorite environment or meet someone new. The one time Jess listens to Harry and spends time with new company, he meets the love of his life. 

A fellow introvert,

Annie