Facing a problem yourself? Annie has answers. Ask away!

Dear Annie,

Last Friday night, I went to a bar near campus where a band of students my age was playing. Most of the members of the band and I know each other. There’s a female member of the band with whom I shared a dorm during my first year in college, but didn’t speak much after moving out, except to say hello to each other at gigs. After the show, I tried to check the band’s Instagram account, but it was gone! And when I asked her what was going on, she just blocked me! She runs the band account, the other members didn’t block me. I wasn’t being rude. Should I tell the rest of the band about this? Why would someone dare to block me at will when they know we’ll meet again on campus, because they think I’m easy to be bullied?

Xoxo,
Clement

Dear Clement,

The audacity. The nerve. The boldness of you to consider this incident as a comment on your character when, in reality, it reflects the pettiness of the girl who blocked you.

Let me bring you down to earth for a second. Blocking on Instagram is not bullying. You are allowed to block, mute and unfollow anyone you want on Instagram. I’ve done all three of those to different people at different times for one common reason: peace of mind. I don’t care that I may run into them again nor do I think they are “easy to be bullied.” I don’t want to bring them into my own space because I don’t like them — and that’s okay. The girl in the band might feel the same way about you. 

Yearning for validation and affection from everyone you meet is human, but it’s impossible to achieve universal adoration. Ask yourself why this girl’s opinion or actions toward you matter. It doesn’t sound like you are close, so why do you care so much about what she thinks? Focus on the positive experiences you have had with other members of the band, your own self-worth and praise from your friends. Redirecting your attention to people who matter — your friends and, most importantly, yourself — will help you block out your hater.   

Admittedly, it is weird that you suddenly can’t find the band’s Instagram. If you are friendly with most band members and care to see content from them, it can’t hurt to reach out to another band member to ask if anything happened with their Instagram. Keep the girl’s name out of the conversation, simply say you want to see their content. But if your goal is to start beef with the girl, leave the social media kerfuffle alone. Do not insert yourself in or create more drama by looping another band member into your scuffle. 

Not everyone is going to like you. Focus on self-acceptance and surrounding yourself with supportive people. On the days when self-acceptance isn’t enough, remember this little thing called karma: what goes around comes around. If she makes a habit of blocking people with no explanation, she may just find herself blocked one day.

Don’t Block the Messenger,
Annie