Facing a problem yourself? Annie has answers. Ask away!

Dear Annie,

My boyfriend asked me to move in with him next semester and don’t know how to say no without hurting his feelings.

XOXO,

really pretty girl

Dear really pretty girl,

I can’t help but imagine the scene in “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” when the protagonist Midge wakes up earlier than her husband every morning to put on makeup and crawls back into bed so he thinks she wakes up looking naturally gorgeous rather than drooling and frizzy-haired.

While having space to perfect your appearance to keep the mystery alive is reason enough to live without your boyfriend, college is also the time to connect with yourself and build an arsenal of relationships. Bestowing one person the title of boyfriend and roommate — two developmentally important relationships — is a big step while young and in a living-learning environment. It is totally reasonable that you don’t want to live with your boyfriend, whether you’re concerned about constant proximity straining your relationship or you simply don’t want to live with a dirty man.

Directly address your future living situation with an honest conversation sooner rather than later. As housing deadlines and leases may require commitment weeks or months in advance, you cannot procrastinate this discussion. Meet your boyfriend to talk in a neutral setting, specifically avoiding your or his current abode as you will be talking about living — or not living — in those spaces.

Honestly tell your boyfriend why you don’t want to live with him next semester. Any reason you don’t want to live together is valid. If he tries to convince you otherwise, stand your ground, remember you have made your decision based on what is best for you. He should trust you, though it won’t hurt to reassure him of your commitment to the relationship and romantic feelings for him.

His desire to live with you could be a positive sign of his love for you or a case of pure convenience. This situation presents an avenue for further reflection on how each of your social networks have changed since your relationship began. As you can choose whether or not to live with your boyfriend, it implies that you don’t have to live with him, suggesting you have support systems like friends, current roommates or even family.

Just as college is a time for you to develop relationships with an abundance of people, it is also a time for your boyfriend to do so as well. Does your boyfriend have friends? Or are you his only system of support? It’s not healthy to cut off relationships with other people because you have a romantic partner.

Honesty is the best policy for sensitive, urgent discussions in any relationship. While it may initially sting or cause disappointment, your boyfriend should understand and respect that you made the right decision for yourself. You can handle the task now as you are not only a really pretty girl but a well-advised woman.

Good luck from one really pretty girl to another,
Annie