Bo Erickson is a freshman majoring in journalism.

The beginning of freshman year is an adjustment for many reasons, but that grating feeling of insignificance seems to really stick out. “Welcome to freshman year! You are now nothing,” the college hierarchy tells us. We are at the bottom of the food chain.

To make up for the change in power, I’ve noticed that freshmen use specific strategies in the hopes of boosting social standing. However, these all lead to failure.

Fellow freshmen, in your attempts to get ahead, you’re just making yourself look dumb. Here’s a list of things to avoid:

1. Jaywalking. Patience is sexy.

2. Smoking in front of the “GW is a smoke free campus” signs. This doesn’t make you a rebel – nobody is enforcing the smoking ban, anyway. But yes, it is better than smoking e-cigarettes.

3. Getting EMeRGed. Yeah, some might consider it a hallmark of the GW experience – but you’ll regret it when all the photos we have of you show up on Facebook in a few months. And good luck explaining the hospital bill to your parents.

4. “All I want is a salad right now.” You’re a liar. You actually want Carvings.

5. Bragging about your midweek ragers. You went clubbing on a Tuesday? And used your fake? Wow, no way! Wait the story isn’t over? You got kicked out too? That’s so cool!

6. Living on Foggy Bottom and hating the “Vernies.” Popular people live on Mount Vernon too — like, for example, George Washington. And besides, I hear the Vern has really green grass. I miss grass. And trees.

7. Hooking up with people at the Monuments and now calling them the “Mount-U-Ments.”

Basically, it is impossible to be cool as a freshman. And I’ve resigned myself to that unfortunate reality. But you know what does make you cool? Being a sophomore. Congrats, your parents had sex nine months before mine.