Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Tired of students texting and whispering class, renowned chef Jose Andres flung an entire pot of scalding bisque onto the first three rows in his much-hyped food science course last week.

The 43-year-old, who originally hails from Spain, said if he expects no horseplay in his kitchen, then the same should go for his classroom.

“I don’t mess around with lazy students. My tapas are hot and so is my temper,” Andres said after the incident.

Dinah Orbistro, a freshman who came to GW in part because of Andres’ curricular offering, said she would relish her #onlyatGW moment despite the third-degree burns sustained to both her corneas.

“Who really needs to see anything when you can taste all of Chef Andres’ delicious courses,” she said. “Now, I can justify my tuition bill to my parents by saying I’m learning from a famous guy.”

Andres, known for his short fuse and high standards, reportedly has also lectured on the techniques of weed brownie baking and set off a swarm of bees in Jack Morton Auditorium as part of a honey-making demonstration, according to students in the semester-long lecture.

The University has stood behind Andres’ actions, with administrators and staffers saying the famous chef has been a public relations boon despite student injuries.

“We support Mr. Andres’ innovative teaching methods,” University spokeswoman Lotta Spin said. “We’ll continue to exploit his big name, don’t worry.”