Adios, our Italian tyrant: a farewell to DiMeglio
Four years ago a girl named Fran Set foot on Foggy Bottom Balls in hand, with Mafia connections She went out to set shit straight
Four years later A force to be reckoned with From frat house to frat house She earned the title Big Fran
GW Fraternities Don’t let our shoes hit you on the way out
Kappa Sigma She acted tough, but we know we could have banged her. Does she need a good dentist?
Students for a Sensible Francesca Just when we got our funding and everything, she’s leaving. We’re setting up a satellite branch in Fort Lee.
Mickey Girlsihando, asst. vice president of fun I always knew that girl was trouble. She makes being vice president of fun a hard job.
Vice President Bob Surenuts She was always a special friend to me. Was there ever anything between The Berger and her? Now that would be one hell of a wedding.
The national Italian soccer team Thanks for the support, tell Papa we miss him.
GW Hatchet Her temporary lapses into whoring and drunkeness have us worried, but we’re sure she’ll be fine.
Contributing poets: Steamy Postcards Rushed Restrainingorder
Good Riddance, Little Troll: a farewell to Berger
Four years ago a boy named The Berger Set foot in Foggy Bottom Pen and notebook in hand He set out to become King of The Hatchet
Four years later A Special editor he became To the GW community, He was something of a troll
The Student Association says `Bye, Bye Berger’We didn’t like him four years ago and burn his columns now. And where’s our SA millennium?
GW fraternities say `We’ll miss The Berger’Our lawyers have advised us not to comment on this issue.
U-Wire Washington says `Good luck Dallas’We sent the wild turkeys, the killer kangaroos, and Hurricane Floyd, but there was just no getting rid of The Berger.
SJT He’s like a son .wait. Bob, get me a tissue.
The Senior Class You know when you get a big splinter in your ass, and you just can’t get it out.that’s our Berger.
SMPA Professors We would like to thank Berger and his buddy Trachtenberg for the $2,000 fee suggestion. His commission is on the way.
The GW Hatchet Eh.
Contributing poets:Frankly De Meaning Rich-on Morphine Steamy Postcards Rushed Restrainingorder
Production — Make this a schedule
The Real Deal On Rush:
Meet the brothers of Kappa Sigma:From a table in J StreetThey spy freshman meat -Backstreet Boys in heatSex toys, their ONLY featEvents: Finding beauty in blow-up dollsHow to avoid shady Hatchet reporters
Meet the brothers of Delta Tau Delta: Feminists – yeah, that’s what we areHooters & shoe trees, we’re up to parAnimal House frat boys, we are NOTWe merely worship women a LOTEvents: Take Back the NightHow to get the girls Kappa Sig can’t
Meet the brothers of Lambda Chi Alpha: Forget the girls and the boozeWith each other, we schmoozeSaving the world is our goalBeing good GW boys, our roleEvent: The Million Mother March
Meet the brothers of Alpha Epsilon Pi: Everybody’s favorite pharmacyPerpetual outsiders in the IFCWe’re the ones on our cell phonesFrom mommy & daddy, we take loansEvent: Black – errrr. We mean Stock – Market 101
Meet the brothers of Phi Kappa Psi: We had kegs long after BYOBWe’re the coolest frat you’ll seeNo one ever remembers our nameNo matter – frat boys are all the sameEvent: Keg Stands and Beer Bongs (we’re still allowed to do that, right?)
Meet the sisters of Sigma Phi Epsilon: Diapers is what our president wearsGPAs and brotherhood, our only caresOur greatest contribution(s) are to The HatchetWhen we control the press, our goal will be metEvent: Hatchet Open House
Meet the former brothers of Sigma Chi: We tied up a bro to bondage – I mean, bondAnd it was all over with a flick of a wandLost our charter and leeches want our houseAll because GW said each of us was a louseEvent: Canceled
Meet the best of GW sorority women: The Hatchet must not forget us this time We never fall for any come-on linesThe right letters, he must wearTo get the chance to touch us thereEvents: Looking for peanut butter in all the wrong placesMaking the most of cleavage