Editor’s note: The names of some of the GW students in this story have been changed to protect their identities.
Relaxing in her room after a day of classes, a sophomore sits in front of her computer furiously typing, eager to share the day’s events with friends on America Online’s Instant Messenger.
Clara, who did not want her last name printed, divides her time between television and about four different online conversations – some with friends she’s met in person and some whom she only knows by the name on the screen.
Making friends and even forming romantic relationships on the Internet are becoming commonplace among today’s computer-savvy generation, experts say. Clara, who’s had an estimated 12 relationships with Internet friends since her junior year in high school, is part of a growing trend of singles ditching the bar scene in search of love for just friendship online.
It’s a fantasy world, said Ruby, who also did not want her last name printed, a junior who spends about 20 to 25 hours a week chatting online. You can be whoever you want to be.
The allure of taking on a different persona, losing inhibitions and forming quick and often intense connections on the Internet are all contributing factors to the rise of singles meeting singles online, experts said.
Cyberdating will become more and more common just because people are so busy, Andrea Baker, an assistant professor of sociology at Ohio University and researcher of cyberspace romance, told The Plain Dealer two weeks ago. It allows us to sort through more available people in a much quicker, easier way. I have been surprised at how people are able to establish a relationship pretty quickly, even just through e-mail, and how people seem to know when they meet that right person.
Baker told the Plain Dealer she believes people, and males in particular, are less shy and less introverted online. Clara said she almost prefers meeting dates online rather than grapple with the pressures and anxieties of meeting potential dates at clubs or bars.
It’s just the idea that you’re talking to a person halfway across the country that’s so captivating, she said. And you can do it from the comfort of your own home. But you don’t really know who you’re meeting online. He could be 40 years old and in prison and tell you he’s 25 and a doctor. Plus, I’m too young to get into bars.
Both Clara and Ruby say they’ve had bad experiences, where online matches have misrepresented themselves online.
You can meet guys who are just looking for sex or random hookups, Ruby said. It’s not like I expect anything out of the relationship, but it’s still a little bit of a letdown when you meet and the guy is just looking for one thing. Experts who study the online dating explosion caution that misrepresentation is often a problem.
In high school, Clara’s parents revoked her Internet access after she befriended a man in Arizona and proceeded to call him every day for four weeks.
I was young and didn’t know what I was doing, she said. When I went away to college, my parents finally relented and got the Internet again so we could keep in touch, and I got (another online chat service.)
Clara said she has only met six of her online partners face to face and plans to meet another Friday. Ruby has met two.
Trish McDermott, vice president of romance for Match.Com, an online matchmaking service which lists more than 3.1 million users, said the Internet is a way of meeting someone from the inside out.
On the Internet, you’re only as impressive as your last sentence, she said in a recent article in The San Diego Union-Tribune. McDermott said that online, people are able to move past the superficialities of what a potential dates looks like and get right to the important things or common interests.
Clara disagrees.
People like to say if you meet people over the Internet, they don’t care about your looks, but that’s not true, she said. Every time I talk to someone new he asks me if I have a picture.
Both Clara and Ruby have pictures available for online companions.
I know it sounds silly, but when I met this guy at the mall, he was older and about 40 pounds more than he was in his picture, Clara said. It turns out he lied about a bunch of other stuff too. And then he accused me of being shallow.
Despite their harrowing experiences, both women say they’ve met some quality people on the Internet, and their friendships with their online buddies continue.
Still both women caution others about the pitfalls of love in cyberspace.
I wouldn’t recommend it to others, Ruby said. There are people I’ve been chatting online with for a year, and I still won’t meet. I don’t think it’s a safe thing to do, and the times I’ve met someone online have confirmed that it’s not necessarily the safest thing to do.
Clara agreed.
It can be fun, but you have to be careful, she said. My parents would kill me if they found out that I’m meeting so many people online, because they met in that `old fashioned bowling alley’ kind of way.
But skeptics of online romance say they don’t think the online version should replace real-life dating.
I don’t think I’d start dating anyone online, sophomore Clark Rehme said. That’d be too weird. You don’t know who you’re talking to, and that’d be freaky.
Just be careful, Clara said. You’ve got to trust your instincts. Only meet if you think it’s right, and public places only.
