This is my last column, so you better read it. You might not get another chance. People I know keep coming up to me and saying they’re thinking of trying to write this column next year. I guess they figure if I can do it, anyone can. Thanks guys.

So once I’m done with this, there is nothing left for me to do but enjoy my last little bit of college and reflect on the fact there is less than a month until graduation. Oh wait, and two years. Yeah, less than a month and two years until I graduate. I’m in the home stretch now.

Honestly, I have nothing but respect for graduating seniors. They don’t seem that much older than me, but obviously they are because they seem to be handling everything so well. I can’t imagine joining the real world at all. I think if I were in their position, I’d be freaking out all the time, screaming at people who asked me what I was going to do next year.

My sister graduated from Emory University last year, and every time someone asked her what she was going to do, she rotated between saying Yale Law School, a high-paid executive in the Pixie-Stix corporation and a Warrior Princess, all of which were lies. She did major in theater, so she probably could’ve done all three.

I’ve been trying to figure out what everyone is going to do with their political science and international affairs majors when they graduate. I’ve asked some people, and four out of five said they are going to be president of the United States. It seems like a lofty goal, and sure, maybe a bit unlikely, but I suppose that is as practical as anything.

In fact, I envy those people – at least they can say something. All I can say is that I want to be happy, to which my roommate replies that there is no money in that. I always thought that declaring a major would make me feel better about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, but it hasn’t. So although I would really like to be able to impart wisdom to graduating seniors about leaving college and becoming a normal person, I am severely under-qualified. I’m sorry, seniors, but you’re on your own. Good luck.

Instead, I think those of us who are staying should make some sort of plan for the rest of our time here so that we don’t panic when our time comes. I was looking over GW’s spectacular admissions brochure and was startled to notice a glaring omission.

The brochure talks about a lot of different somethings that happen here and it says a lot of things that “I WILL” do, but nowhere does it say, “YOU WILL get a job when you graduate.” I think they are leaving that up to us. I tried calling the admissions office and asking them about this. They were real nice to me at first, but then I let it slip that I’m a current, not prospective student, so they transferred me to the financial aid office. I asked them to be transferred back to admissions and they said, “I’m sorry, we can’t give you any more money than that.”

All of us underclassman should make out a list of “Things To Do Until We Graduate That Will Help Us Get a Job.” Hmm, okay, I can’t think of anything. I guess the best plan I have is to hope that this year’s graduating seniors will be really successful so that by the time I graduate I can work for them. Yeah, that’s a good idea. I think I’m going to bank on that. Whew, I’m glad we got that all settled. I was getting worried. Now I can just enjoy these last two years.

Well, thanks for reading. Those of you who only hung out with me this year because you were hoping I would mention you in my column, you can forget it. Oh yeah, but please don’t stop hanging out with me, okay? Good luck to those who are moving on, and to everyone – have a fantastic summer.

Want to see your name and face in this space next year? Contact Rich Murphy or Dustin Gouker at 994-7550 or e-mail [email protected].